We Are Broken
by ronsgurl281
Summary: Am I really a nonexistent being? Do I really love you? Will I ever truly know before my time is up? One-shot. Xemsai. Songfic to Paramore's We Are Broken.


Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or any of its characters. Do you think I'd be sitting here typing this if I did? Neither do I own Paramore or any of their lyrics.

Rated: T to be on the safe side.

Warnings: Shounen-ai/yaoi. Slight mentions of sex.

Author's Note: Hey! This is my third Paramore song fic! I don't think it turned out as good as my other ones, but that's for you guys to decide. XD I used the song We Are Broken.

_Anything it italics are lyrics!_

* * *

Saix stood and stared at Kingdom Hearts from one of the many neon lit buildings in the World That Never Was. He knew he could have a much better view of the heart shaped moon from inside the castle, but he wanted to be alone right now. He didn't know what he was trying to accomplish by watching the heart shaped moon, but he felt as if he needed to. It's light always had a way of drawing him in.

_I am outside_

_And I've been waiting for the sun_

Maybe he was waiting for something to happen. Maybe he was waiting for Kingdom Hearts to magically complete itself so that he could see the sun again. This world was much to dark, even for him. Or perhaps he was trying to draw power from it? Its rays always seemed to fuel him in times of turmoil.

_And with my wide eyes_

_I've seen worlds that don't belong_

Saix knew that the darkness that emitted from the World That Never Was didn't…**shouldn't **exist. Even though this world had acted as his home for so long, he wanted nothing more than to see it destroyed. He was even glad that most of the Organization members were dead now. He knew it was wrong of him to think that way about people who had been like a--psychotic--family to him, but that didn't mean that he didn't feel the way he did. He needed to be whole again, though sometimes he felt as if he already were. That was only thanks to one person in the Organization.

_My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize_

_Tell me why we live like this_

"Saix." A deep male voice said from behind the bluenette. Just the person Saix had been thinking about.

"Xemnas." Saix said as he quickly turned to face the other man. He searched for words to say, but couldn't find any. His Superior had an odd way of doing that to him.

"It's okay love. You don't need to act so guarded in front of me. We're alone right now." Xemnas said gently as he slowly embraced Saix. The golden eyed man tensed momentarily before relaxing and returning the gentle touches.

"Why do we have to live this way?" Saix whispered quietly. Even though he had always made everyone believe that he was a vicious monster that loved to fight until the bloody end, that wasn't the case at all. He had grown to hate the fact that he couldn't stop fighting once he had started. It made him feel like a gun that could fire at any moment. It made everyone around him fear him. No one wanted to love such a creature. All of this suffering just to obtain a heart. That is, if it could really be called "suffering". All a Nobody could feel was the imitation of emotions. Even though he couldn't truly feel, Saix still felt as if he hated the war for Kingdom Hearts. Although he would never tell Xemnas that. He was too loyal to him. Not to mention that Xemnas was the only one that had ever made him feel important, the only one he had left to hold on to for love and reassurance. Not that they could really feel those emotions, but it was nice to pretend.

"It'll all be over soon. They're on their way. We'll kill all of them." Xemnas growled as he wrapped his arms around Saix securely.

_Keep me safe inside_

_Your arms like towers_

_Tower over me_

"Let's go. We need to head back to the castle if we wish to welcome our rude little visitors." Xemnas said as he let go of Saix and looked at Kingdom Hearts longingly. As Xemnas opened a dark portal and walked towards it, Saix stopped him by wrapping his arms around the silver haired man from behind and rested his head on the other's back.

"What's wrong?" Xemnas asked as he made the other man let him go and turned to face him.

"I don't want to go…" Saix trailed off.

_Yeah_

_Cause we are broken_

"I know love, I don't want to either, but we must if we ever want to be whole again." Xemnas said as he grabbed Saix's hand. "Now lets go. It'll be worth it once it's all over." With that, Xemnas pulled Saix through the dark portal.

_What must we do to restore_

_Our innocence_

_And oh, the promise we adored_

So many thoughts raced through Saix's head as he and Xemnas wound up in his bedroom. Would this really be the end? Would Xemnas and Saix really be the only ones left out of all thirteen members of the Organization? What if neither one of them survived and it was all for nothing? And if they did make it out alive, would they ever see each other again? If their bodies were restored to their natural state, they would probably be transported back to their original worlds. Saix still couldn't remember which world he was from, but he did remember that things had been much easier back then. His life had been filled with innocence and promises that were sworn to never be broken.

But oh, this life was so much different. This "life" as a Nobody had been filled with nothing but meaningless, savage fights to slowly gain what they hoped to achieve. How many times had he been judged for merely trying to repossess his own heart? The other Organization members always had a way of talking about him while they assumed he wasn't listening. Saix wished he couldn't hear them. Their words hurt him more than he let on.

How many times had he been called a blood thirst savage? The accusations sometimes bothered him so much that he wanted to give up on getting his heart back and leave the Organization. But he could never do that. He could never leave the man who was in charge of saving them from their nonexistent selves. No one would ever be able to change his loyalties with words or physical force. There was only one person who could pull him away from his self doubts and give him a kind of strength that he never thought he'd have.

_Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole_

Xemnas was the only person that had ever really understood him. He was the only person who hadn't judged him. At first, their relationship had been like one between a boss and his coworker, but over time, that relationship grew into much more. Friendship stemmed from their many encounters, and from that friendship stemmed love.

Could it really be called love? Sure, they were intimate and told each other that they "loved" one another, but did that really mean anything when you were a Nobody? They didn't have hearts, or they weren't supposed to. But every once in a while, when he was simply lying with Xemnas, he would get these beautifully overwhelming "feelings" that made something pound in his chest. That had to be love, right?

Then again, if he really could feel this very human emotion called love, then he must have a heart. This conclusion only brought him back to his original doubts. If he had a heart already, then being in the Organization was useless. And if Nobodies truly had hearts, then many Nobodies had died for no reason and this "war" was pointless. Then again, how could only half of a being have a functioning heart? How did half of a being live at all? If a living creature doesn't have a heart, it can't thrive, right? If that were the case, half of a being couldn't live at all. How would that explain Nobodies? Did they have half a heart? Was that why they could sometimes feel its raging pulse? No, that couldn't be right. If Nobodies had half of a heart, then they would have half of everything else as well. Half the brain, half the flesh, half the blood, half of the internal organs…But no! That couldn't be right either! If they only had half of everything because they were only half beings, then they would only have half of the functions. That meant that they would have half of the amount of heartbeats as a normal human, half of the time to live a healthy life, half of the time to live **at all**, half the brain mass….meaning they would only be half as smart as the average human…

Then again, that would very well explain why some of the Organization members were the way they were when they were alive.

Or were they only half alive? Saix shook his head at his many confusing thoughts.

If Saix had learned anything from being a member of Organization XIII, it was that the world was an enigma and that questions that should be trivial weren't so trivial at times. It all made Saix's head hurt rather badly. If being a Nobody was supposed to be so trivial, then why were the basic questions so difficult to answer? Maybe some things were never meant to be known…

"Saix…" Xemnas said from behind the bluenette. Saix jumped at the voice and spun around to see the other staring at him with an eyebrow raised. The golden eyed man blushed at his own paranoia and realized that he had been very quiet for several minutes now. He must have looked ridiculous just standing there shaking his head and muttering to himself every once in a while.

But yet again that beautiful voice had drawn him back to the present, unknowingly convincing him to swallow his fears and self doubts.

_Lock the doors_

_Cause I like to capture this voice_

"Superior?" Saix questioned as he watched the silver haired man lock the door.

"How many times have I asked you not to call me that when we're alone?" Xemnas said bitterly. Saix looked at the floor, mumbling an apology. Xemnas brushed the apology off and walked up to Saix, titling his chin up and kissing him. Saix moaned in surprise and leaned into the touch. They deepened it, mapping out one another's mouths for what could be the last time.

_It came to me tonight_

_So everyone will have a choice_

Their movements were slow and tantalizing. They made sure to go slow this time. They wanted to make every moment last.

_And under red lights_

_I'll show myself it wasn't forged_

Soon, Xemnas and Saix were practically one, their clothes thrown carelessly to the side as their sweat covered bodies writhed against one another. Saix forgot the pain and engulfed himself in pleasure, knowing that there was a likelihood that this was the last time he would feel this amazing.

_We're at war_

_We live like this_

The two didn't have much time to bask in the afterglow. If felt like they had been lying in comfortable silence, spooned against each other, for only a few minutes before Xemnas sat up calmly and started putting his clothes back on.

"Xemnas?" Saix sat up quietly and stared wide eyed at his lover.

"It's time Saix." Xemnas said calmly. Saix merely nodded and began to dress as well.

_Keep me safe inside_

_Your arms like towers_

_Tower over me_

Saix and Xemnas were both done dressing. Saix stood there, unsure of what to do. Xemnas had had his back to him for quite some time now. Xemnas suddenly turned, not even looking at Saix as he unlocked to door and opened it. Saix stood at the door, waiting for some kind of farewell, but was surprised when he didn't receive one.

"It's now or never Number VII." Xemnas said as he looked up at the other with cold eyes. Saix cringed at Xemnas's sudden distance. He didn't like that Xemnas was being this way, but at the same time understood why he wanted it this way. He also took notice to the way he had addressed him. Xemnas was fond of calling him "love", or even just Saix when they were alone, but the current situation seemed to cause that to disappear as quickly as the other members of the Organization.

Saix smiled as he hugged Xemnas, burying his face in the crook of the other man's neck. Xemnas jolted at the contact at first, but then relaxed and leaned into the other man's touch, hugging him back. After a moment, Saix spoke again.

"Xemnas?"

"What is it?"

"…I love you." Saix whispered as he kissed Xemnas just below the ear. Saix immediately pushed himself away, not bothering to look at Xemnas as he left to face the Keyblade wielder. He didn't want the (possibly) last thing he saw to be a disapproving scowl on his lover's face. If fate decided that he must die tonight, then he wanted the last memory of Xemnas to be the look of pure bliss on his face when they were lying together; it was completely different from the Xemas that the other members of the Organization knew.

Or the Xemnas that they **used **to know anyway…

If Saix had looked back, he would have seen that Xemnas was wearing a mournful smile.

"Goodbye…love…" Xemnas whispered as a tear rolled down his cheek. He wanted to scream for the other to come back, but he knew that this was the way it had to be.

_Cause we are broken_

"Lets get this over with traitor." Saix said calmly as he picked up his weapon and faced the mere boy in front of him.

"Why does everyone around here keep saying that!?" Sora asked in annoyance. Saix grimaced.

"That's none of your concern. It wont matter after you're dead." Saix growled. The boy's ignorance to the entire situation disgusted him, but that was okay; it only gave him more motivation to kill him slowly and painfully.

_What must we do to restore_

_Our innocence_

_And oh, the promise we adored_

Saix had to admit, the boy was much stronger than he looked, but so was he. It was too early to be having self doubts. He could still win this if he acted quickly.

_Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole_

Saix was starting to worry now. The Keyblade wielder wasn't going to give up. That was certain, though he knew that both of them were wearing out. It wouldn't be long now until one of them made the wrong move.

_Tower over me_

There was his chance! Both Saix and Sora's weapons had clashed. Saix had practically thrown the boy off, knocking him off balance. Saix could practically hear his Superior praising him. It was now or never! Saix moved to strike Sora right through the head, but the boy dodged it! Had Saix overestimated his own ability?! Before Saix could get over his initial shock, it was already over. Sora had managed to quickly regain his composure and has struck Saix right in the chest. The blue haired man let out a scream of pain as he fell to the ground, not fully comprehending what had just happened.

_Tower over me_

Saix found it nearly impossible to breath. He knew that he was dying. Saix lifted a shaking hand to his chest to feel the damage. He felt a gaping hole in his chest and a warm wetness around it, neither of which were supposed to be there. Saix's eyes widened in disbelief when he lifted that same hand to his face.

_And I'll take the truth at any cost_

It was blood. **Red **blood. A Nobody's blood was supposed to be black. But this…this wasn't it! Saix has seen himself bleed as a Nobody before, and this had never happened. Were the gods just playing a sick joke?! Did they just find it amusing to make them believe one thing and then show them another possibility just as death was about to claim them?!

_Cause we are broken_

Saix realized that he would never have the time to ponder on this strange happening. His body was already beginning to fade. Even as he thought about the true, **human **blood, the fingers that were stained with it began to disappear.

_What must we do to restore_

_Our innocence_

_And oh, the promise we adored_

"So this is the end?" Sais said to no one as a tear rolled down his cheek. He would never know anything now. He wasn't even sure if Nobodies really existed anymore. Had this happened to all of the Nobodies when they had been killed? If so, had they wondered the exact same thing as him? Had any of them found some answers right before they were wiped out of nonexistence forever?

He guessed that some things really were never meant to be known. But he did know that Kingdom Heart would never be complete; the Keyblade wielder was just too powerful, even for his Superior. What he didn't know, however, was if he and Xemnas had ever really felt love for one another, or if it had all just been an illusion.

And that's what really hurt the most in the last moments of his nonexistent life.

_Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole_

* * *

Author's Note: Wow, that was a lot sadder than I expected it to be at the end. So, give me a review and tell me what you guys think. I don't think this is my best work, but maybe some insight from some others will help.)


End file.
